HappyHappyDonut

Spent a wonderful lunch with the pregnant wife of a friend. (Actually, I knew her first before knowing him, but I liked the way that sounded. Meanwhile, my own significant other was up North spending time with black flies and our dog. The word is still out on whether or not these flies are of any relation to the ones that raised HCW™ when she was a young girl, even further up North.

So I took Nick D., the chick in question, out for some good old fashioned Polish soul food at Mazurka's. Threw a good plate of potato and cheese perogis (fried please!) down her throat along with a potato latke and a half quart of sour cream!

If she is like me, she probably felt like having a nap ALL afternoon. :)

Got invited to some social networking site by a guy I met last year in LA. Since then, found close to 20 people I know on the site. Through them, I am linked to 200,000+ people within 4 degrees of Freedom. Unfortunately, most of my network is in the States, where I can't exactly go back tomorrow, what with prior commitments and all. Oh well. At least the first guy led to an opportunity to send my resume along.

Read some more about al Qaeda et al. Scarier than The Count from SCTV, that's for sure. Tried reading some of my course notes from my culture course. Walked my dog a bit. Played some Grand theft Auto. Finished a mission to get to 50% complete. Saw I had killed about 2850 people or so. had a hunch that if I killed another 150 and got to 3K, that I would get extra points in the game. Hunch proved right.

HCW™ home earlier than expected which was nice. Talked about and my career plans. Mentioned I had read some articles this morning in September's HBR. Figured that even though I had made some mistakes along the way, at some point one is better off turning the page.

Currently writing the outline for the Digitera business plan. Rejigged the logo as well. Let me know what you think ...let's me do neat things with a wink-wink, like start paragraphs with <digitera> and end them with </digitera>, among other things. A sort of pseudo HTML code from yours truly. (The font is Trade Gothic. Very yummy. I also like Franklin Gothic which is the one that Fortune Magazine uses for many of its titles in the magazine.)

Speaking of magazines, I am really hesitating to subscribe anew to more magazines. One of the things that allowed me to relax recently is that I dropped some subscriptions as I felt compelled to finish the magazines in a timely order (Not always the case as the 4-5 back issues of HBR on my desk attest.)

Weather is starting to get cold and I have a sweater on. Brrrr. Enjoying the newfound intimacy provided by the new blinds to hang out in the living room. For some reason, I am also getting much better wireless reception downstairs as well. This was not previously the case. Now that it is, I am enjoying hanging out downstairs more...

Up until just before last weekend with its rather tragic beginning and somber ending, I was starting to say to myself that I could feel my energy level coming back. Though the summer had appeared to fly by, and with all the crap at work, I hadn't thought it so beneficial. That being said, I think it did some good. Especially the last month or so, what with me and HCW™ taking a break from visiting or being visited. Needed that.

I started back to school two weeks ago. After only 3 months off, I started another degree program. While the last one was for making more money (though that hasn't exactly happened yet), this one is for fun. (Regarding the MBA, in an example of life imitating art, or at least life imitating a FedEx ad, I have found myself being asked to make photocopies more in the weeks since finishing my degree than at any time in the last 5 years. Oh well.).

Whereas my last degree ended up being 20 courses, this one should clock in at a relatively sprightly 8 courses, three of which are pre–requisites. (I managed to get two others—economics and international relations—credited. I have to take courses (1 each) in history, law, and ... culture. Whatever the hell that last one is.)

Yep, again as if life was imitating art or rather current affairs and cultural shows in France with guests sitting around a table alternating between discussions of semantics and/or either not answering the question asked of them, or answering questions that were not asked or going off on a tangent in light of the question, I find myself in a class of students discussing the difference between such terms as intercultural (as opposed to multicultural); interculturalism (as opposed to multiculturalism); rite vs. ritual vs. celebration; and the concept of us all acting parts in life as theater. The "lens" through which we will consider all of this is through the phenomenon of film festivals, elevating these last ones to a level I would never have thought and am not sure I would.

January should bring a course in European history at Concordia; the law course, who knows?

On another note, one of these days, I will get back to blogging with some more stream of consciousness stuff (ie: whatever goes through my mind.) For now, I will either go up stairs and not watch porn; play GTA3 and finish a mission or two; or sit downstairs with my newly installed blinds, and read Through Our Enemies' Eyes, the precursor to the equally intimidating imperial Hubris, and a good follow-up to having read Skinny Dip. Next on tap of course is "Eats, Shoots, & Leaves" which should be a treat. Expect I will also get caught up on some HBR that have remained unread. And I need to buy the new Atlantic Monthly while I wait for my subscription to kick in again. Speaking of which, Maclean's goes boom next month( yay), but those buggers at BusinessWeek are making me offers that are hard to refuse; and Foreign Affairs is offering me one too ... aaggh!

I'm in a holding pattern right now. Waiting for my neighbors to get back so that I can ask them some questions on how to hang some blinds in the living room. Hoping to surprise HCW™ before she gets back home from the first day of her weekend training event at the office.

A holding pattern. Yep, a fitting metaphor for my life if there was ever one. So anxious to optimize the situation—make the right choice from among too many options— I end up usually making one which I know to be sub–optimal, and as a consequence, become unhappy about it. While it seems like everyone around me knows where they are going—that includes the Jones' as well—I stay stuck in neutral not knowing whether or not to run after having hit the ball.

It is a product I suspect of my fundamental interest in pretty much everything. Like a puppy dog—or a 6 and half year old Golden Retriever–faced with a slice of cheese (or ground beef), I am constantly shifting my regard to the left then the right then back again as various stimuli come and go. While at any given moment, I may have successfully deluded myself into thinking I was happy, the reality is that my stomach was empty. Eye candy it is. No more, no less.

The current focus of my sorrow is the sad state of my career and its resulting prospects. It is my opinion–and you may not share it–that I have driven my car—stuck in neutral as usual, moved there only by some invisible force—into a dead end. Now I have been working on the situation with a friend. We have whipped my resume into shape and have been spreading the good word accordingly, though I stopped soon after starting, a mix of fatigue, jadedness and depression stopping me before I really got started. The one position that perked me up, and on which I applied a few weeks back, has fallen through.

The source of this negative energy is my current job, both a boon—heck, it pays the rent—and a bane as it saps me of all my energy. I have come to the conclusion that my opportunities there are limited, and this in spite of any commitments I have made or am prepared to make.

So I found myself drawing up a list of alternatives just now on the dining room table. Assuming that I have done some sort of mental SWOT analysis, these are the ones that I came up.

• status quo: stick with my current employer. Pro(s): financial security (that's open for debate), not much else. Con(s): emotionally draining; no upside in terms of salary or career
• change career: use my current MSc studies as a springboard to change both industry and career track; ideal job would be in high–level consulting and strategic analysis; good example would be Royal Dutch/Shell's famous scenario planning division, the spirt of which can be found at GBN. Pro(s): stimulating, definitely what I like; reading would be a big part of the job; yum. Con(s): Risky, not as financially sure ...
• industry change: this means still working in marketing but changing out of working for small dinky software companies; instead going to work for a company with among other things an HR department, benefits like flextime and profit sharing—remind me again what profits are, it has been so long—, and some career upside. Pro(s): stimulating, stability, opportunities to advance. Con(s): could be boring.
• consulting/in business for myself: under this scenario, I would (eventuall) strike out on my own doing consulting probably in the things (I think) I know, including marketing, strategy, business development, entrepreneurship, financing, business plans, etc. Finally put digitera.com to good use (or why not true-silver.com). This is something I could on the side initially and then ease into when there is enough of a base. Pro(s): personal development, huge potential upside if it works. Con(s): Some initial instability.

I'll talk more about this stuff in coming days. In the meantime, though I am not yet decided, I am tending towards one or two of these options (a blended option as we MBAs tend to like ...). Which one would you choose ?

It had been a long time since my last missive, and so I was looking forward to bringing you the latest and greatest. Especially, seeing as how it had started out as a good week of sorts, what with my first class in the MSc, a relaxing long weekend with HCW. I was even beginning to feel that I was getting on top of things again, getting my energy back. (At the price of ignoring a lot of other responsibilities...oops)

However, the week ended poorly and quite sadly. First, another down in the ups and downs of the tragicomedy that is known as my job. The incompetence of one continuing to be my bane. That was Thursday.

Another event on Thursday, which I was only to learn on Friday morning through a saddened phone call from my wife, was the tragic passing of a good friend. He died while practicing a sport he loved—windsurfing—in the horrible conditions of the remnants of this week's hurricane. He leaves behind his 3 year old daughter and his girlfriend and their 5 month–old unborn baby. Needless to say, we were, and still are, both floored. Our sadness for his passing is joined by our sadness for her and her two children, both of who are at the start of very long journeys.

Vincent, who I knew through my wife's good friendship with his girlfriend, Annie, was someone whose company I enjoyed immensely. Both he and his girlfriend were guests at are small wedding. Through them, HCW™ discovered the joys of camping and snowboarding, passions that we have gone to share with each other.

He and I were similar too in that we always had a smile and would often be laughing. We both particularly enjoyed making our better halves smile, and that by all means necessary. (Though never sure, we always hoped they would appreciate us for it.)

Though he was 3 years younger than me, he experienced the joys of fatherhood relatively early on. I thought he did a particularly good job of it—he was loving and patient—and was hoping that, when my chance finally came, I would be able to do as good as him.

I would like to go one more about Vincent and his passing. but I find it quite difficult.

My experience with death is not only limited–only 4 funerals in my 34 years–but quite rusty, leaving me rather ill–prepared and speechless for a tragedy so close to me. It has been 15 since someone I really knew well—the brother of my best friend—passed away, and close to 20 since I lost a close family member. Since then, I have been to a total of 2 funerals for family members of friends.

That being said, I know we will get through this. One always does. Together with our friends and their families, we will also find a way to be there for Annie and her children. Life has to go on.